acquirement: icon of kamisato ayato (I don't need to love myself)
kamisato ayato. ([personal profile] acquirement) wrote 2023-04-13 05:00 pm (UTC)

i am sorry for this embarrassing essay

{ it takes a while.

he's on autopilot until the clean clothes are left on the side and he's in the shower. even that is turned to be one of the colder settings. the tiles are cold as he drops his head to rest against them, not even thinking of washing as the coolness of the water lets his mind catch up with everything that just happened.

his skin burns. his mouth still feels like it's on fire. so much so that even as his cold fingers move from the tiled wall to touch them it feels too hot to the touch. he can't tell if it's actually the case or his imagination running away from him though.

it takes time for the water to actually work.

too much time where he wonders if thoma would be that assertive without the influence of the wish bone(r). where he wonders if he wasn't, whether he would give those shy looks of embarrassment if ayato were to tease him and take the lead. whether it would feel as good for thoma as it did for him, if he were to wrap his lips around his cock instead--

and he only realises he's fantasising in thoma's shower that he shares with rui when he chokes from having his own fingers too far down his throat.

and at that point he twists the dial, blasting himself with the coldest setting until he's shivering from the cold.

at least at that point it's easier to clean himself off, making his own mind go as numb as possible by keeping it stuck under the freezing cold water so it feels like he's getting brain freeze. otherwise, he isn't sure how he's going to step outside this room again.

it takes another five or ten minutes of him drying, getting dressed (and it's difficult to not notice the way thoma's clothes are a little bigger on him. thankfully with the clothes being fresh there's nothing else to make his mind stray again) before he even thinks of leaving the sanctuary the bathroom offers.

he brings the blanket out as well, assuming that also needs to be washed. }


Thoma? { he checks the bedroom first, but a noise of clattering brings him to the kitchen. } I'm-- { it's rude to stare, but he can't help the way his eyes roam for a moment as he wills his mouth to keep speaking. } --finished now, if you were planning to use the bathroom as well.

{ it's a small blessing that he has years of keeping himself in check that he can move his eyes to the tea instead. }

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